Poem (puzzle) for my sons

For My Sons

Poetry.

I love you all.

Love.

Force to be reckoned with.

Woman scorned tis nothing compared to a mother scared.

I fear.

A world without you in it.

Unimaginable, yet imagined in nightmares

Fear breeds insanity.

The cure, if one must.

Is the cure to most evil – absolute love.

Necessary but not necessarily sufficient, for fear is great.

And yet, can one add to love?

Would that not be like saying Infinity plus one?

Did you forget.

I am.

Not a scientist.

Yes, I taught you to have scientific minds.

Because it is important.

But the good doctor and I.

Theodor Geisel. 

Knew you needed whimsy as well.

If I had religion.

I’d of shared.

I’d have taught.

We can only give that which we possess.

Love, Joy, Wonderment.

And Faith.

Faith in you that is without limit.

Why can’t that faith have been congenital and dominate?

I’m not scientific; yet neither

[null]

I know.

I know exactly who and what you are.

You frequently see yourselves through a mirror darkly.

Mirrors, even magical ones.

Lie.

Carrol, he of the math and of the logic.

Believed the impossible things, oft before breakfast.

Six.

Or half dozen of the other.

Lewis Carrol, C. S. Lewis; two sides of coin?

Rosencrantz or Guildenstern?

That we have choices, you must admit is true.

That randomness strikes and chaos reigns, I must admit.

Yet rage against.

You have taught me fear, previously unknown.

You also taught me this.

Faith.

[void]

A ridiculous idea that is.

To imagine that our world could possibly be.

Without meaning.

[empty]

Without design or intention or binary forces, well perhaps.

But love, compassion, joy, and even pity.

For Minchin and Hitchens.

Smart men who scorn my compassion, resent my pity.

I scorn their Logic.

I scoff and dismiss.

Their decent yet misguided rationality.

You believe, as I have taught, in the brain.  

That miracle.

Which can conceive.

[Zero]

Not everything that counts can be counted.

You know this, you believe this, and yet.

Refusal.

Of the two truths I hold.

Is my belief for.

[naught]?

My absolute belief in my sons.

Their Souls?

You must admit that of all the ways.

To believe in a godlike concept.

Opposed to.

[emptiness]

That mine is as minimalist as can be.

Whilst still retaining that original spark of pure light.

Light, or love if you will, or even consciousness.

That separates us from flora and lesser fauna.

I am not trying to sell.

Any religion.

Just the truth that life is more than.

[Nil]

Not the devil.

Not the Holy Trinity.

Not the higher power, worshipped by agnostic drunks.

Just Love.

Or life, light, or laughter.

I have realized.

Hopefully, not too late.

Belief Matters.

You.

Matter.

Logic, reason; admirable yet seemingly leading to. 

[nothing]

I suspect our failure in spirituality.

Is also what causes that other downfall.

Failure to believe in yourselves as much as I.

Even though you have ample evidence in yourself.

My Soul.

Divided.

Into three, and yet.

Multiplied, made stronger ever as it became vulnerable.

[nix]

Yes, I know math doesn’t work that way.

Life does; believe, I implore you.

In something greater, and also.

Yourself

Zachary, Dalton, Lucas.

My loves.

25 Things About Me

I never do the X-number things about me lists because I’m just not that interesting.  Recently a friend of mine did one where she didn't answer the preset questions, she just listed things she thought would genuinely help people get to know her better.  I liked her list because it made me want to ask her about some of the stuff – which is sort of how conversations in real life are supposed to be.  You know, the sort of thing people sneeringly refer to as 'small talk'.  I adore small talk because it leads to big talk in a comfortable way.  My list isn't as interesting as my friends – but that's okay.  Here is my list of 25 things about me that you may not know.

1)      I am the happiest person I know.  I don't often say this because it feels like bragging.

2)      I believe in the Oxford Comma.

3)      I cry when I'm criticized. And sometimes when I'm complimented.

4)      I'm uncomfortable with people who see their offspring as some sort of reflection of themselves. Nonetheless I frequently want to point to my boys and announce, “Look what I made!”

5)      I've never been to a movie theater by myself.*

6)      I know I'm intelligent, but I still feel a bit of a thrill when my smart friends appreciate my jokes or otherwise compliment my brains.

7)      Most of my friends are smart and decent people.  Oddly I can say this, and it doesn’t feel like bragging – even though I do judge people by their friends.

8)      If I give too much thought to an egg, both what it is and where it comes from, then I can't eat them – which is sad because I love eggs!

9)      My friends are pretty evenly split between pro-choice and pro-life.  It frustrates me that I haven't done a better job of convincing any of them of the legitimacy of the positions of the other side.  I would like to think that I have decent mediating skills but maybe I'm just fooling myself.

10)   I have no preferences when it comes to Pepsi/Coke or Mayo/Miracle Whip but I enjoy how adamant some people are about it.    I generally don't appreciate food snobbery of any sort but I seriously despise oleo margarine.  To the point of wondering what's wrong with people.  Which makes me wonder what other blind spots I have that I'm not aware of and that aren't so benign.

11)   I have bad habits and vices and flaws, but the one thing I do that I truly believe to be a sin is my negligence in writing thank you notes.  Come judgment day I will be able to scoff off most of my wrong doing but when Saint Peter (or whomever) asks me why I never express the gratitude I genuinely feel I will hang my head in shame.  I mean all of this (except the Saint Peter part) quite literally.

12)   I don't care who people sleep with or marry.  I don't care what people eat, drink, smoke, or swallow.  I don't care how people dress.  I do expect people to know the they're/there/their differences and to use them properly.  Likewise your/you're.

13)    My personal apostrophe usage is arbitrary at best. 

14)    Illusions, A Prayer for Owen Meany, and The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon were the three most significant books in my spiritual growth. 

15)    The story of Abraham and Isaac will always prevent me from converting to any of the Abrahamic religions.

16)    If I found Stephen King lying injured in a ravine, I'm almost positive I would take him to a hospital instead of taking him home to keep.

17)  Apparently there are only 16 interesting things about me.  Or maybe this is one more manifestation of my seeming inability to finish the things I begin.

* Since the original writing I saw Tim’s Vermeer at a theater by myself.